Email Copywriting Critique: This “Namby Pamby”

Yesterday my coaching student “Karen” sent me an email to critique.

Karen sells “marriage bootcamp” weekends—intensive, full immersion couples therapy retreats for relationships that are on the rocks.

The email had a great “hook”: She demolished 3 deadly myths about happy couples.

Then she ended like this:

For more great ideas to keep you in the “Love Know,” visit our website:

http://example.com

My reaction:

Are you KIDDING me?

Let’s be perfectly clear about what’s happening here.

The women on Karen’s list signed up because their life is a living torment.

She’s emotionally devastated because her best friend—the man she thought would cherish her forever—has turned into a belligerent tyrant.

The used to share everything together, and now they barely speak.

Not only that, but the last 3 “couples therapists” they tried only made the problem worse.

He’d yell at her for hours after every session, even storm out of the house and disappear for hours.

Divorce looks like the only path forward—and that means saying goodbye to her friend forever, not to mention the years of bitterness and tense phone calls over “sharing” their 2 beautiful children…

Karen’s customer is in AGONY.

And…

Karen has the cure.

The techniques Karen uses in her weekend retreat are scientifically proven to fix toxic relationships.

But most “couples therapists” have no idea about any of this.

Karen is literally her customer’s last, best hope to save her marriage.

And I contend it’s Karen’s ethical duty to do everything in her power to persuade her customer to reach out and grab the rope and let Karen pull her to safety.

That means Karen MUST “ask for the sale.”

Kindly, firmly, confidently.

None of this namby pamby “check out the website” nonsense.

When what you’ve got is what your customer needs, then don’t be shy.

Tell them what you have and how they can get it.

And hold your head high — because you’re doing them a huge favor.

Related posts:

  1. Apple’s copywriting voodoo (a tip from the iPhone 6s launch) This week Apple announced a brand new iPhone feature that promises to do away with those grainy, poorly lit selfies. They call it: Front-Facing True-Tone Retina Flash The front camera on my iPhone 5 has always bugged me, so my first thought when I heard the news was “Sweet!” Then...
  2. What’s the best way to learn copywriting? One question I get asked a lot is like this one from Srdjan in Toronto: === Hey Josh, just wanted to say I really enjoy your style of writing. I see that you’ve put a lot of work into honing your craft and I’d love to know what you would...
  3. How an old copywriting trick can get your ideas heard During my workout this morning at the local YMCA, I noticed a couple of the other lifters gathered around a small placard on the decline bench press station. I hit pause on The Fizzle Show (awesome podcast, by the way, you should subscribe) and wandered closer to hear what was...
  4. Is Your Sales Funnel Starving? Here’s something I didn’t fully grasp when I launched my first product: Not everyone is your customer. Now I wasn’t expecting EVERYONE who signed up for my email list to buy my book. But deep down, I kinda thought I could convince MOST of them. What I learned, though, is...